SEX WAS GOD’S IDEA
Many people have the idea that sex, even within marriage, is somehow dirty and repulsive. All of us see through the lens of our experiences, education, and beliefs. That is why we must renew our minds according to the Word of God (Romans 12:2)
God gave His purpose for sex when He created mankind. Notice also that it was created before the Fall in the Garden of Eden. Sex was part of the five-fold mandate God gave to Adam and Eve.
Genesis 1:26-28 “Then God said, ‘Let us make man in our image, according to our likeness; let them have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over the cattle, over all the earth and over every creeping that creeps on the earth.’ So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them. Then God blessed them, and God said to them, ‘Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
When God made Adam and Eve in His image. He gave them authority over His creation. He blessed them and told them to be fruitful, multiply, fill the earth, subdue it, and have dominion over it. To do this, they would need lots of other humans to help them. This was His initial purpose for procreation. The pleasure side of it is further revealed in the Song of Solomon, which is outside what we are discussing here.
Genesis 2:24 “Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” A man leaving his parents’ house and cleaving to his wife allows them to become one flesh. I often suggest when doing pre-marital counseling that the couple needs to become ‘one flesh’ in the proper order. This involves coming together on all three realms of their existence; spirit, soul, and body – and it needs to happen in that order.
When God created mankind, He created them male and female as previously quoted. This was before the Fall. After the Fall, He says in Genesis 5:2 “He created them male and female, and blessed them and called them Mankind in the day they were created.”
Humans began to use their sexuality in ways that God never intended. They corrupted it. Their passion knew few boundaries.
Genesis 6:5 says, “Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually.” This was one of the reasons for the Flood that covered the earth.
LAWS OF SEXUAL MORALITY
Because of the debauchery of fallen humanity, God gave strict instructions on what was and what was not acceptable.
Leviticus 18:22-25 “You shall not lie with a male as with a woman, it is an abomination, nor shall you mate with any animal, to defile yourself with it, nor shall any woman stand before an animal to mate with it. It is a perversion. Do not defile yourselves with any of these things; for by all these, the nations are defiled, which I am casting out before you. For the land is defiled; therefore, I visit the punishment of its iniquity upon it, and the land vomits out its inhabitants.” Homosexuality, and sex with animals were forbidden. God said that this type of behavior defiled those individuals, the nation, and the land. Doing a Bible study on the things that defile the earth is very enlightening.
JESUS AMPLIFIES THE IMPORTANCE OF MONOGAMOUS MARRIAGE
Matthew 5:27-28 “You have heard that it was said to those of old, you shall not commit adultery, but I say to you that whoever looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.” Jesus is saying that lust in the heart is on par with the actual physical act of sex.
Matthew 5:31-32 “Furthermore it has been said, whoever divorces his wife, let him give her a certificate of divorce, but I say to you that whoever divorces his wife for any reason except sexual immorality causes her to commit adultery, and whoever marries a woman who is divorced commits adultery.” It becomes apparent that this passage, tells us that divorce can be acceptable where sexual immorality has occurred, and 1 Corinthians 7:10-16 reveals that if a Christian is deserted by their spouse because they are a Christian, then it may also be acceptable. But beyond these two, marriage is to remain in place as long as the couple lives.
God reveals to us that He is not happy with divorce. Malachi 2:16 says, “For the Lord God of Israel says that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence,” says the Lord of hosts. “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Sex outside of marriage, sexual immorality while married, and homosexuality are specifically addressed in Scripture.
Each of these is detrimental to marriage as God has ordained it.
IMMORALITY IN THE CHURCH
While Christians have a perfect standing before God but are often imperfect in behavior, sexual immorality, in one form or the other, is often manifested in the Church. This occurred in the church in Corinth. And the Apostle Paul had this to say in 1 Corinthians 5:1-5 “It is actually reported that there is sexual immorality among you, and such sexual immorality as is not even named among the Gentiles—that a man has his father’s wife! And you are puffed up and have not rather mourned, that he who has done this deed might be taken away from among you. For I indeed, as absent in body but present in spirit, have already judged (as though I were present) him who has so done this deed. In the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, when you are gathered together, along with my spirit, with the power of our Lord Jesus Christ, deliver such a one to Satan for the destruction of the flesh, that his spirit may be saved in the day of the Lord Jesus.”
1 Corinthians 6:9-11 says, “Do you not know that the unrighteous will not inherit the kingdom of God? Do not be deceived, neither fornicators, nor idolaters, nor adulterers, nor homosexuals, nor sodomites, nor thieves, nor covetous, nor drunkards, nor revilers, nor extortioners will inherit the kingdom of God. And such were some of you. But you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus and by the Spirit of our God.” Know this, when one repents, he is forgiven and cleansed of whatever his sins may have been (1 John 1:9).
Left undealt with immorality spreads like a virus. Paul instructed them to use a form of Divine discipline, known as church discipline, to purge it out of the church. This is often overlooked by the modern church of today. Nonetheless, when exercised, it accomplishes its purpose of producing purity in the Body.
In the fifty-two years of pastoral ministry, we have had to use church discipline on five occasions, related to sexual immorality in the church. Sometimes it has been received redemptively and at other times the couple has simply chosen to resist the work and Word of God.
PRINCIPLES OF SEX IN MARRIAGE
The Apostle Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:2-5 “Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.”
He tells us that it is important to have compatible sexual relations between a husband and his wife. He says that each of them is not their own, but their body belongs to the other. He agrees with short periods of time when they refrain from sexual activity while seeking the Lord, but then they should come back together so that they are not overcome by Satan’s temptations.
What the Apostle Paul is saying to the church at Corinth is opposed by those who say, ‘it is my body and I can do what I want with it.’ Those who say this are refusing to accept 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 which says, “Do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore, glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
Hebrews 13:4 “Marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled, but fornicators and adulterers God will judge.” When the writer of Hebrews says that marriage is honorable among all, and the bed undefiled he means in those cases where they are united according to what has been said previously in Scripture.
LOVE AND RESPECT
Ephesians 5:33 “Nevertheless let each one of you in particular so love his own wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.” The two things mentioned in this verse will make all of married life much more pleasant, especially the sexual relationship. The Apostle Paul specifically tells husbands to love their wives as he does themselves and then tells the wife to see that she respects their husband.
Women in general have a greater tendency to love than men. To be loved is one of their greatest needs. Men, on the other hand, need to be reminded to express God’s love to their wife. The wife is told to respect her husband. This is his greatest need. And it is something that wives often struggle with.
If a husband loves his wife as Christ loves the church, she can more easily respect him. And if the wife respects her husband, he can more easily love her as Christ loves the church.
So, how does this relate to their sexual relationship? Where there is love and respect in the marriage, they become a great foundation for the relationship in everything. Any sexual problem can be worked out in the best interest of each of them.